My Own Worst Enemy

One of my greatest character flaws is perfectionism. Although it can prove an asset at times in my work, it sometimes leads to failure. A prime example: School was fairly easy for me. However, if I was not completely satisfied with my performance on a paper or project, any tasking, I simply would not do it. Or I would find a way around it in order to avoid submitting what I believed was less than perfect. This tactic, obviously, was far from logical. One might assume that, after 28 years, I have learned to harness this characteristic and can now accept "good enough". Unfortunately, I remain my own worst enemy.

Not many outsiders know this about me. Only those closest to me - for instance, my parents, my bosses - know how hard I am on myself. I am lectured on a fairly regular basis about accepting "good enough". If it's good enough for everyone else, why can't it be good enough for me? Does this trickle over a fine line into arrogance? Do I really think I'm better than everyone else? Not necessarily. Admittedly, there is a touch of arrogance in my nature. But my mind plays tricks and I prefer to view it as an individual demand for excellence in all that I do, whether or not it's expected of me. If I cannot provide the best possible product, I feel as though I have failed - and then I am particularly hard on myself. In my mind, I am constantly berating my performance or work product. This certainly cannot be healthy. I am effectively depleting my self-worth on practically an hourly basis.

I recently received a performance evaluation. I was rated 9.22 out of 10. By all standards, this is excellent. And I believe that I perform at a level of excellence. However, another side of me believes I am not really worth 9.22. I set my own standards, of which many are not aware (perhaps even myself, consciously), and so I know that some of my work is not excellent. In comparison to others' work product, it may be outstanding. But oftentimes, it's just not good enough for me.

I wonder if people really can develop ulcers from self-induced stress. Or is that just a myth...?